Jesus On A Jumbo-Tron: The Joel Osteen Story: Tales of Lies, Degradation, and the ripping off of the Biggest Congregation in American History

Joel Osteen, son of a bitch, he's done it! He is living the American dream. Presiding over the biggest congregation in American history, in Houston, Texas, in a huge arena titled the Lakewood Church. It's almost like watching Christ play basketball, except he would've been crucified here. Compassion, love, and peace is not wanted here. Vengeance, hell-fire, and the murder of pro-choicers is what goes on here.

The asshead factory is so big, people have to watch Joel on his whiny, Bible driven tyrades from a fucking jumbotron.

Joel, like his father is a Christian minister. But Joel has done something different. He's a money launderer, as he rapes the souls and wallets of his gigantic congregation. The tithing pay, which was supposed to go to poor communities in Africa and India, is actually going to bankroll Mr. Osteen's enormous Texas home, and the publishing payments of his new book, "A Better You", his second self help book.

Now, Joel is not your average Christian fuck head, the guy can actually read and write. And he's very cunning. And in doing so, with his wife with a fake face, he shells out attractive tales of Bible, bloodshed, Christ on the cross and why the Jews did it, and ways of how you can become a bigoted, self-centered jackal that preys on the lives of many, just like him!

How fun and family filled.

While he rails on homosexuals for being who they are, and pro-choicers for supporting the individual rights given to them, he argues that "God has given us these rights, not the government." Although of course he wouldn't say this about the invasion of the Middle East, as he is another Zionist hack, who supports the invasion and taking back of Israel from the Palestinians with the frank line "it would let us be able to reach so many people with the light of Christ." Good god, get back in your Hummer and just go assfuck Warren Jeffs or something, cause you are crazy.

As for your arena in Texas, you're gonna have to make the seats bigger, rumor has it Houston, Texas is now the fattest city in America.

Jesus.